It usually starts with that sentence. That one damned sentence that riles me up all the time. I like to think of myself capable of empathizing in a higher level than most others can not. Before I go on my rant, allow me to demonstrate how I’ve began to do this.
As we grow up, we’re taught to read books because they take us to adventures you’d never be able to in reality. Whenever I read books as a kid, what I read became reality. I didn’t just take place over the main character, I began to think like, act, react, and even have similar tastes as that character. This was never something that I made myself do. In a sense, it became a habit and it made things so much more enjoyable. I began to notice as I grew older that not only did I do that within books, but when I began to transition to watching movies and cartoons (both “American” and Japanese anime). I began to feel things that I never thought I’d feel. I got angry to the point where I really thought I could kill something. Of course, there were times where I was happy as well. The laughs, the cheers, the joy, the sorrow, the depression, the sadness, the grief… these are everything that I began to experience and understand. While I took notice of this ability of mine, I began to see how it affects others. I grew up watching people in a sense. It wasn’t something as detailed to where I would write everything I observed in a notebook. There just things that I took notice of and patterns that I found. Also while growing up, I somehow picked up the amazing ability to LISTEN. Though I will admit that it is still in training (especially with my family), but I can listen better than most others. So with all this going on and working its way up, I got a knack at it and am somewhat able to replicate the feelings that one may be going through and fully understand what s/he may be going through to a certain extent. Of course, there are always some things that people will never know but I try nevertheless.
Now for what happened. A few months ago, I was making a small rant about Amanda Todd and how absurd her popularity rose from it. What infuriates me more than ever is not the fact that we need things like this to remind ourselves that these things happen, but these events keep happening. Every year or another, we’ll be presented with one huge news catcher such as the Amanda Todd suicide and everyone will suddenly begin to care. Why just now? Shouldn’t you have cared when that poor old lady was being verbally bullied by the teenagers you saw on the bus yesterday? Shouldn’t you have cared when you saw your friend being beat in the far side of the school? Shouldn’t you have cared when you noticed your friend was different? Anyway, that’s an entirely separate matter. I was going about that suicide is never the right way to go no matter what. My god, if you’re reading this, just know that I love you like a brother so don’t take this offensively. My friend then stops me suddenly to tell me that I shouldn’t talk about the situation because I don’t know what it’s like. Okay, let’s take a step back. I don’t know what it’s like? Now that is the stupidest god damned “reason” as to why I shouldn’t voice my opinion on something IMPORTANT such as suicide! Of course I know what it’s like! We all have gone through shit that we thought we couldn’t go through. Luckily for both him and me, we had people we could rely on. Perhaps what I “didn’t know” was the little support that he possibly did not have at the moment. Regardless of that fact, I can hardly say that suicide is justified! How in the hell is that still something one can consider an option?
Let me tell you about another anonymous person I know. This person was born an orphan, adopted by the worst parents ever, beat practically every day, had to live by scraps as parents ate luxuriously, was treated like shit because orphan, grew up in worst neighborhood, thrown out of house constantly, slept outside in the cold, was left out in middle of nowhere, walked back home, had to work on own to move out of country, got in wrong group, got involved with drugs, alcohol, bad relationships, and so much more that I probably don’t even know. Now how would YOU expect to do in this situation? I’ll tell you what. The person I described is no fictionary character and is still alive. “Everyone’s not as strong as him/her.” FUCK YOU. You have what it takes to go on forward! This person had NOTHING. NOTHING EVER AT ALL. Till this DAY the person doesn’t know true biological parents. No blood relatives. How’s that for being truly alone?
This isn’t also just about suicide but for those who feel stuck and just drown themselves in their own sorrow. Get the FUCK up and empty out those buckets of tears. It’s time to get your ASS into gear. STAY positive, MOVE forward, and BE CONFIDENT. The human species are still filled with mysteries that scientists are STILL trying to find! I believe one of the biggest mysteries are our abilities to somehow find the strength to move on forward even in the face of the most tragic events.
I don’t know what it’s like? The fuck YOU do. So stop fidgeting around while complaining that people don’t understand how you feel and assess yourself more properly. Look deeper into yourself and analyze what needs to be done. Think, strategize, and proceed. You’ll get nowhere in life if you just let things happen. I know I’ve been doing that for too long and I will no longer do that anymore. I will at least do my best to lead a good role as I’m the asshole putting this out.
Don’t you EVER say I don’t know what it’s like. I probably understand more than you’d ever imagine.
I like to think when people say that statement, they mean that you wont be able to understand the full implications of their situation because they have not been put in them. If one is not familiar with such a situation, it is quite likely that they actually wont be able to consider *everything* but this is pretty much a null point. I mean, first off who cares if one cannot fully grasp a situation? It does not take away their ability to judge what is incorrect or wrong– that’s what analogies and allegories are for.
I mean, there are many things that I just have a hard time grasping. Take learning disabilities for one– I have a hard time understanding how someone with ADD cannot “fix” themselves by properly disciplining themselves and their study habits. There is physiological evidence that they cannot if it is bad enough though. Still, it isn’t a matter of of not being able to understand, when I assert that it is better to try and overcome it rather than being on medication for the rest of their life, it is because im going for something greater– trying to guide them towards what is right. Yes, perhaps I cannot understand, (or maybe I do) but it doesn’t diminish the point.
As for people however– they come in many forms. They think in different ways. There are ridiculously strong people in this world (mentally) and there are also weak ones. In North Korea, there was a family that mixed rat poison into theirs and their children’s food (rice, a rare occasion that they could have it) because they saw no end to their constant hunger and pain in sight for generations. Sure things could have turned around somewhere down the line, but I think one can see how such an action was almost justified in their eyes. For people feeling suicidal, I can imagine they follow a similar thought process to either continue living or not.
Hey asshole, you didn’t think I read this blog did you? Haha. I read all your blog posts son! Its been a while since we last talked hasn’t it? I happened to be reading this while doing my homework, and I didn’t know you felt so strongly about this. I know it may have seemed a little serious to you, but trust me, when we talk, sometimes I’m not “that” serious all the time. I’m glad you talked about it though. Yes of course everyone goes through a hard time in their life and may have some fleeting thoughts about these matters, and that’s all they are, fleeting thoughts.
If you’re ever in Spokane, you should come visit me. I’m serious, once I’m done with college I may never come back to Washington. Anyway, nice talking to you.