So someone suggested that the way I talked about Saurabh was as though he was a rare species in this reality. I wanted to take the time to go over that fact and tell you how you can identify a Saurabh in the wild.
First of all, there are four traits in a Saurabh. Let’s go over them one by one.
1. Intolerance to Heat
The Saurabhs are not very well equipped to handle the heat. They will often be noticed lounging in the shades. Due to the flash of the camera, you will not be able to tell, however Saurabh Jr. here is taking refuge in the shade of the couch as the heat of the lights in the room is making him sweat profusely. There is even a towel to soak up the sweat.
(Also, Saurabh Jr. was sweating so much, he “sweated” on the blanket shortly after I put him down on the blanket even though I made the effort to see if he would “sweat” on the training pad instead)
2. Dry Skin
Due to the constant sweating, a lot of the moisture that keeps the skin looking young and healthy causes the skin to dry up and look weird. As you can tell from the reference picture above, you can tell that Saurabh Jr. has a severe case of dry skin. You can only find visible cases of dry skin on their elbows or knees though.
3. Gaining Weight (overweight)
A very clear and visible way to identify Saurabhs in the wild is to check their weight. If they are clearly and visibly overweight, then it is highly likely that they are a Saurabh. You can easily confirm this if the Saurabhs approach you asking if you can get a Crunch Bar for them.
4. Brittle Hair
Similar to the case of dry skin, due to the fact that the hair does not receive enough moisture, the hair can lose its shine and end up looking very flimsy, and very dull. There are many clear and evident indicators of brittle hair on Saurabhs. As you can tell with Saurabh Jr., you can find that his whiskers are a clear sign of brittle hair, along with just… about everywhere else on his body.
Conclusion
When you encounter a Saurabh, take precaution as they will try to charm you into thinking that they will do you favour. Next thing you know, you’re being abducted to go to their favourite restaurant so they do not feel as Saurabh as usual.
I never got to post my full thoughts on this piece of art, so here I go:
This piece not only artfully captures the subject’s BMI, but also dramatically illustrates his struggles with society– the struggle to fit in, both into his clothes and among a community full of land-based mammals (as opposed to aquatic ones).
My friends, childhood obesity is an epidemic here in America, but as you can see, it is not limited to this country’s terrain. It also includes the cubic liters of water surrounding it and the whales that inhabit it. Startlingly, such whales have begun to beach themselves and slowly drag themselves to civilization, hoping to pass themselves off as one of us. They hope that they can blend in and contaminate our lifestyles with their lipophilic tendencies. They attempt to discourage us from walking too fast. They attempt to make us corpulent so that… they can take away our freedom.
Ladies and gentlemen, you may ask… what can we do?
The author of this post has done a tremendous service in educating society on how to spot these fatties. The traits listed above may be dismissed by mammals of the order Cetacea as a manifestation of a glandular problem or poor genetics, but do not be fooled; they are merely attempting to disguise their exceedingly prominent rolls for the above reasons. Thankfully, there are things we can do to protect ourselves. When you find yourself being tugged at by the gravitational field of a suspected cetacean, take the following steps and proceed with caution:
1. Yell out the names of healthy foods such as “apples.” Whales will neglect eating such foods for months, given the choice.
2. Remind them that they aren’t fooling you by calling them out! Reference their corpulence frequently so that they know you wont be corrupted by their Hamburgler ways.
3. Avoid getting into any cars with them. They may attempt to kidnap you to their favorite restaurant. Their cars can be recognized by their distinctly reinforced set of tires to support their driver’s constant downward force.
4. If all else fails, call the manager of their favorite restaurant and beg for a change of management.
Remember everyone, if we give into the whales’ pressure, the whales win! Educate yourselves, your friends, and your families so we can protect our loved ones tomorrow… and today!